I cannot look away

Thanks, threethousand, for utterly ruining my life by introducing me to the website of Arthur Kade who, in the entertainment biz, is perhaps "the definition of a new age, a new era for this industry". I know he is this thing because he tells us so.

EVEN LADDERS WANT TO BE NEAR HIM

He also mangles English like nobody's business:

"One of the things that I have always been at anything that I have put my mind to is the best."

That is an incredible sentence, you have to admit.

But what makes Kade so fascinating is his ego, which is so big that it probably has many smaller, satellite egos in orbit around it.

"Today, Arthur Kade took another amazing step towards the end goal of becoming one of the most famous, recognizable and well known actors in the world."

"I understand the mind of the girl better than any man, because I have dated the best of the best, and know when a girl wants me."

"When I got there I was greeted by Jessica Yost (Color Stylist, who I think almost fell over when she saw what I looked like), and she walked me to the studio where my fans awaited."

"I had a tank top on, so you could see the size of my shoulders and arms, and one of the female voice over actresses actually stopped while walking out of the studio, and talked about how great my body was, and I joked to her “It’s Adonis Like, isn’t it?”."

Kade has "travelled the world, played college basketball, modeled for major agencies in New York, and been with some of the most beautiful women in the world". He recently sold his financial planning practice to pursue his dream of becoming a world-famous actor. He moved to Los Angeles, which he has humbly renamed Kade Angeles. And everybody in Kade Angeles, it turns out, knows and admires and understandably wants to have a piece of the Kade. Unfortunately, there's only so much Kade to go around.

HE COULD PROBABLY PLAY SOMEONE WITH ONE LEG = RANGE

Some have surmised that Kade's Zoolanderesque hyper-self-absorption can only be a clever satire, especially because he allows the hundreds of hateful comments that appear after each post. But if that's so I'd prefer to be ignorant and just bask in the godlike radiance of this unique being.