Yor Doin It Wrong

I'm giving a lecture in a couple of hours looking at the obscenity trials of early 90s Miami Bass outfit 2 Live Crew, who were truly awful rappers but whose legal battles were in fact very funny. Their most famousest song was of course Me So Horny, and during my recent research I happened to come across a video clip on youtube which went by the same name but is attached to some clown with the craptacular name of DJ Porny. I had to investigate this fellow further, and so I did.

Of which I am glad.

DJ Porny's Me So Horny really is a terrible, stab-my-ears-with-a-carrot song. He seems to be Dutch, so it's pretty awful eurohouse stuff, but what really distinguishes this clip for me is its unfettered employment of JUMPSTYLE!



I'd almost forgotten about jumpstyle - the plague of Europe's youth - until I watched this hypnotic clip featuring Tim de Koning, Gunther van Houten en Kelly Heks showing us how it's done. I say that like I know who these people are, but I don't. Having watched them dancing badly in a carpark (a clear homage to the dance style's roots) before taking it to the streets and going on a city-wide jumpstyle ORGY of repetitive, sub-line dance movement. They do it in an elevator, they do it in a bakery, they do it in the fruit and veg section of a small supermarket. They even do it on an escalator! And of course they throw in several more carparks for good measure.

I little more probing and it seems like DJ Porny is someone who actually deliberately aims for the jumpstyle market, which is clearly composed of slightly damaged youths who are the offspringof a previous generation's liberal policies towards narcotic use in their home countries. Porny - I don't know how anyone actually addresses him like that without scrunching up their face immediately afterwards - has another song on youtube, Jump Around, which proves that stealing earlier, better hip-hop titles is turning them into horrible godless abominations is kind of his "thing". Good on you and your lack of musical talent or credibility, Porny.

Not convinced yet? Well, I have only this to say: can you think of any other DJ so wicked dope mad fresh that they drive around in a goddamn Kombi van?