So my bike was stolen last night and now I’m listening to Supertramp (see above) and remembering the good times. It’s a bit of a mystery really, perhaps worthy of one of the great amateur fictional detectives of our age such as Encyclopedia Brown, Bubbles Yablonsky or the Great Merlini. If you know anyone looking to start a career in low-level sleuthing, drop me a line.
It began some months ago (well, I suppose it really began when I forked out $600 for the thing a year back). But back in May when I went off to Japan, I got an email from my housemate. The day after I’d left, a neighbour had knocked on the door asking if a bike had been stolen. Someone had left a bike out the front of their place with a note attached.
I love the “HEY!” that kicks things off in a friendly, non-criminal manner. From there, the inclusion of public drunkenness, weird logic (too stinko to get home but able to ride a bike), a late dramatic twist which puts some of the blame back on me and an ambiguous conclusion – sorry but thanks – underscored by a nice, impactful stroke… well, it’s a nice piece of writing that deserves commendation.
Anyway, the drunk bit probably explains why they couldn’t remember the right house they’d stolen my bike from. And though I doubted that I would leave my bike unlocked, I put it down to the frantic giddiness of preparing for an overseas journey. I keep my bike locked to the front fence, I should mention, by the way.
Flashforward a month or two. My girlfriend mentions that my bike is unlocked out the front, not secured to anything but its own sense of self-worth. Again, I’m surprised since I’m pretty wary of locking it up properly after the previous incident.Since then (a week back maybe) I’ve been totally super careful about ensuring that it is securely fastened to a stable bit of fencing. You have to believe me on this one. I’m 100% sure it was locked up. But somehow someone made off with it! I suspect they had a key to the same kind of lock or were nifty with their lockpicking skills. OR MAGIC.
But here’s another weird thing: they left a different bike in its place. Not a bad bike, either. Way too small for me and without great breaks, but hey. What kind of thief does a swapsy? It didn’t fit me so I left a note on it offering it to anyone else who wanted it, and I saw a dude take it this afternoon. He didn’t look shifty at all and seemed quite happy for a free bike.
I guess there’s someone else happy with the free bike they scored last night. I wonder what adventures it will have in its colourful future. Will it travel the world? Was it a birthday gift for a poor youngster who will never suspect its illicit origins? Will it become part of a novel circus act involving skilled and flexible artistes? Will it go on to achieve quasi-stardom during a solo national ride-around-Australia campaign for a worthy charity? These are the questions that haunt my waking hours.
FARE THEE WELL YOU GENTLE-SPIRITED STEED.
This is getting me through though (along with the Supertramp). I don’t know anything about either except video that they are pure, hypnotic awesome.
YOU JUST DROP IN WHOO PAAA. Words to live by.