They Think He's a Righteous Dude

Sometimes I wonder if there are any creationists living up in Darwin.

Creationism used to be a really easy target (Bill Hicks: “Ever notice how Creationists look really un-evolved?!”) but the focus these days has mostly switched to Intelligent Design. ID claims that because the universe is really, really, really, ridiculously complex, it can’t just be a bunch of dumb molecules and energy &c. SOMEONE MUST HAVE MADE IT SO.

The good thing about IDers is that they allow room for dinosaurs. This is an important point that many modern religions fail to consider. Creationists and Scientologists alike kind of lose a lot of props from the GP when they argue that God or Xenu or whatever put dem bones in the ground just to test our faith in God or Xenu or whatever. These people often test our faith more than a bunch of carbon dated fossils ever will.

CUT A BROTHER SOME SLACK, OK?

Intelligent Design has been Big News in the US, where lobbyists have successfully demanded that ID be taught in schools alongside evolutionary theory. They argue that since evolution is just a belief, ID has as much of a claim to what I call "rightness" or "trueosity" as evolution. SMACKDOWN!

I don't really care what's taught in schools, since most of it isn't retained for long afterwards, and even less is applicable to what scientists call "The Real World". And it's odd that those in favour of evolutionary theory (the one based on evidence, logic and shit) are so whiney about how it can't be questioned. A working knowledge of evolution isn't going to help me in my ongoing battle against a corrupt local council that can't understand why I just want to be left in peace with my twelve cats and my vegie patch and my flaming backyard effigy of Richard Grieco.

I CAN DIG IT

But can you dig it every week of the year?

Brendan Nelson, Federal Minister for Edumacation, has endorsed the teaching of ID in high schools, probably justifying it with something about freedom of choice and all that. He justified the destruction of University Unions along these lines, too. And obviously teaching a science specifically based on a particular religious conviction isn't nearly as bad as, say, wearing a headscarf or anything.

Inventing your own explanation for the Universe and stuff has always been a good pastime for lonely people who are too shy to go to bars and too stupid to work out how to get onto the internet. The general lack of imagination is a drawback, with Intelligent Design pretty much applying current scientific principles to established beliefs.

About the only new Reason For Everything I want to hear about these days is one involving a giant underwater dancing frog who mediates an interstellar war between two dudes in bear suits. The brown bear is a good guy who gives out hugs like they're going out of style (which they totally aren't) and the pink one is loveable but always getting into trouble. There's this cop who catches the pink bear speeding and what do you think happens? You got it: in the clink with pink bear!

I'm here to blow your mind!

Carn Nanna, give your Lord a cuddle.

I'm not even a bear! I'm a pig!

Tell that to the County judge, motorhead.

You might laugh at my creed and think us foolish, while you're running around looking at monkeys and thinking "he looks oddly like grandpa". Well I guess me and my fuzzy brown Lord will have go have icecreams while you at the zoo. By yourself. Without super excellent hug-giving and fast-driving gods as buddies.

Sounds like a reasonable basis for a religion to me. At our last mass I took some snaps (not strictly encouraged at church meetings, admittedly).

Anyway, if you're looking at faith and thinking "Wella wella wella, I could get into that but what's missing is some kind of mime-based gospel preaching" look no further! Finally, K&K Mime has arrived to spread the good word without, you know, using words and stuff. But it's still good hand-clapping foot-stomping fun.

THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS

Don't skip the intro.