Now, I don't want you to say I didn't warn you. If you read on, you're might happen upon something that takes you to a place you didn't want to go. Something that makes the more melodramatic amongst you do a double-take, bunch up your fists and rub your eyes in disbelief, let your jaw drop etc. If you're the town drunk, you'll look at your paper-bagged bottle and then throw it over your shoulder.
You may say "AHFLV, I came here by accident and look what you've done. You've taken me to THE HOUSE OF CONFUSION."
("Also can I get half a tank of gas and some Cheetos?")
Last night, between the premiere of the Australian Ballet's La Bohéme and the launch of the Suicide Girls DVD at Ding Dong, I managed to stick my head in the door of the afterparty for the ballet. And the horrors I did see.
Actually, most of it seemed quite civil, but as it turns out it was more of a Soylent Green/Stepford Wives/Blue Velvet kind of deal. Looks normal on the surface, dark and ugly things seething underneath. I'd only meant to stay for a couple of seconds to see what food/drink was on offer (the purpose of this blog) but I was caught behind a bunch of people as West Australian Ballet Artistic Director Simon Dow gave his opening night speech, and I couldn't sneak back out. He seemed like a nice guy, and dedicated the show to his late parents which was sweet and I liked it and stuff.
Then I caught the catering. I have two words for ya.
Yeah, you read right.
The Beef Salad wasn't the first thing I spied. First up was what looked like tuna salad, in little white bowls which people were picking from. Shredded lettuce and tuna (it may have been chicken). When asked what it was, an attendant mentioned that "there isn't a huge variety of vegetarian options tonight". She didn't give any warning on the BEEF SALAD.
Again, little white bowls of beefy salad.
When you go to the ballet and someone offers you ambiguously-tuna-or-chicken-salad, then follows up the sour-lemon look this occasions with an offer of BEEF SALAD, it is time to ask yourself:
My answer: Yes. I'm going to Ding Dong. Which I promptly did, and not-so-promptly missed the launch, but had fun nonetheless and stayed out past bedtime.
Water and round objects did not appear to run uphill. No people seemed to stand on a slant.