Upon waking today, I felt a creeping suspicion that Something, once again, Was Afoot. I began gathering evidence.
Firstly, and most inexplicably, my discman won't work. It worked before I went to bed, and now it doesn't. It was also lying near my door, as if dragged across the floor by unknown hands (or...paws?)
My housemates are missing, and the last contact I had was a phone call yesterday evening asking the definition of a gerund. This is not normal behaviour, surely.
There are four empty bottles of Coopers Pale Ale on the kitchen bench which weren't there when I arrived home this morning (at a late hour, rainsoaked from walking all the way home from an excellent dance at Ding Dong thank you DJ) .
There is a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the living room floor.
The streets of North Fitzroy are eerily quiet.
Last night, every ATM in the city broke down for some reason.
My bedroom door handle won't turn in one direction.
There is a pink skirt sitting on one of my shelves (now that is seriously worrying me, as I would have noticed that when I got home, and 'taint no pink skirt wearing ladies (or cross dressers) been in my room for a long time).
Despite putting some credit on my phone yesterday, it still says that I have none.
The cats are passed out in the upstairs hallway, even though they haven't been fed today.
JOIN THE DOTS, PEOPLE!
I know what you're thinking: zombies. That's what they want you to think. To the trained mind, all of this adds up to a crystal clear picture:
THE CATS HAD A WILD PARTY WHILE I WAS SLEEPING.
There was booze, tunes, someone in a pink skirt (I'm thinking Peter's butch lady friend Ginger from next door), drunken phone calls FROM MY PHONE and some kind of party prank which involved my housemates, who MAY EVEN NOW BE LYING IN A DITCH. They somehow shut down Melbourne's banking system, probably as part of said party prank. They tried to clean up but by the time they'd busted the handle on my door, as well as my discman, they were too out of it to finish up.
THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED.
The lesson: catnip can be fun in small doses, kids, but sometimes cats can have a problem. At least I could have been invited.